Lighting the way

Guidance is such a simple act in life that can lead to either purity and goodness, or to dark imbalance. Guidance is the one thing I see lacking in our children today….and even within our own ranks as Grown Ups.

I don’t know how things were back in the good ‘ol days, but it feels as if there is a major disconnect between our Olders (not elders, just olders) and our younglings now more than ever I’ve heard stories about. My generation, the few ahead of us and the few behind us who have begun to procreate are seriously lacking in the guidance department of our children. It saddens my heart that we have bred laziness into ourselves over the last few decades so much so that we are literally raising each others children. Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in the whole “it takes a community/tribe/street block to raise a child”….only to a point. It is not the responsibility of everyone else to teach morals and ethics to another’s offspring, and it’s an especially ugly situation when that parent decides to put you in your place for stepping out of line…..even though had they been a part of that child’s playtime and been guiding them to be kind and fair players the situation would not have unfolded.

Not only is there the lack of guidance that I see from parent to child, but then there is the ever-growing problem of MIS-guiding our youth, and even each other. To guide one is to mentor one, or to raise one, or to help one to mold themselves into whatever they are to become. But if you are coming from a jaded perspective then the result will be another jaded person. I’ve seen that there is not the act of guidance going on, but the act of self imprintation onto others. The Ego overriding the Spirit.

I really think that what I’m talking about here is the difference between actually guiding someone, or helping them to find the path THEY choose, then helping them to stay on it; or even reevaluate and change if they feel the need…..and planting your own impressions on another and making sure they do not veer from YOUR idea or path you have chosen for them.

Guidance is not pointing the way out for another; it is allowing them the room to see ALL the choices and to make the decision on their own. This is even more true when you see someone going down the “wrong” path. You can’t always say that the path is wrong for them; it may end up being a tough journey, with many MANY obstacles in their way, but it just may be the path they NEED to be on. As a Guide/Mentor, it is only our “duty” to be there for them, to be their mirror so that they can make adjustments to their own itinerary, be there for them, love them through every mistake they make and keep on encouraging them. Not admonish them for wrong doings, but talk with them and help them to see why their choice of action was wrong/hurtful/etc. It is never our jobs as a Guide to step in and make the decisions for them, or to dictate what to do and where to go.

If more people would learn what proper guidance was; Spirit-led not Ego-led, then I believe our society would become a more peaceful, responsible, and accepting place to live.


Is it Faith or is it Belief?

Do I have a Faith or a Belief?  Do I follow a Belief or a Faith?  Is it a Belief system or a Faith in?

To be honest, these questions have come up for me while working on myself over the past few years.  I feel I have grown so much recently that there just can’t be anymore to room to grow….but I constantly find there always is.  Many of my Self-Discovery/Motivational books I read talk about Faith and Belief.  Having belief in yourself enough to make things happen, and having faith that what you Will into your life will appear.

I’ll be honest though, these two words escape me much of the time.  They are very difficult for me to discern, separate.  By definition, they are SO VERY SIMILAR that I tend to want to use them interchangeably.  But they are different words, aren’t they?, with different meanings, huh?  Why else would they have two separate entries….right?

(from Webster’s dictionary online)

Definition of FAITH

1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty

   b (1) : fidelity to one’s promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

   b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs       <the Protestant faith>

on faith

   : without question <took everything he said on faith>

Definition of BELIEF

: a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing

: something believed; especially : a tenet or body of tenets held by a group

3 :  conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon especially    when based on examination of evidence

The more I struggle with the meanings and the differences in them, the more I realize you cannot have one without the other.  In my understanding of the two, you cannot have Faith without Belief.  Nowhere in the definition of Belief is there a need of Faith, but in the definition of Faith you must already hold a Belief.


Religiously speaking, belief would be the unwavering “trust”, infallible “knowing” that God/Spirit is there and will always be there; the state of mind that makes God/Spirit real to you.  But faith is the loyalty you have to God/Spirit even when you cannot hear them, see them, touch them, or even feel them.  Faith is the conviction you have that no matter the circumstances, you will always stand your ground.

I think it was very well explained on this blog I visited:

“What is belief? It is a principle, proposition, idea that is accepted as true; opinion, conviction; religious faith; trust or confidence. What is faith? It is the confident assurance in the character and nature of God; a strong or unshakeable belief in something, without proof or evidence.”……..“My faith says that God is good no matter the outcome of my situation. I believe that God can save the day. I believe that He can work miracles. My faith says that whether or not I follow Him will not be dependent on things working out to my benefit. It says that I will follow Him no matter what.”

It takes a belief to hold faith.

Belief in yourself is just as important; before you can have faith in yourself and always hold true to you…you must have a strong belief in who you are.

Once you are convinced or have conviction of who you are, then you can build the faith needed to always be your best friend and get out of your own way when it comes to building your dream life.  The hardest part of this all is finding the CORRECT beliefs about you.  It’s not an easy task…I know.  I’m not writing out my ass here, I’ve been there, I’ve walked it and I’m walking it still.  Believing in yourself actually is a very easy task; but it is the positive constructive, supportive beliefs that are so difficult to dig out and hold on to.  When you have the negative belief structure of who you are, you will always have faith in yourself to do no better than be the negative person you have grown to believe in.  Once positive and loving beliefs are put in place, then no matter how bad of a day you are having or how shitty things are in you life, you will always remain faithful in the fact that you are a gloriously wonderful person.

I chose this topic because faith is not just about religion or spirituality.  Faith is about you and the love you have for you. Just as the blogger stated …..“My faith says that God is good no matter the outcome of my situation.”, your faith should say that you are good no matter the outcome of your situation.

Learn to hold a great value and belief in you, the same you hold for your deity/ies; and so have faith in your inherent good and beauty just as you have faith in your God/s, or else you would not follow them so lovingly and loyally.


nhamil75,, Faith vs Belief,

Desert-ed (a prose)


Across the sand I see your footsteps;
ahead of me I see you standing, clothes flapping in the wind.

The heat singes my face; my hair clings to the nape of my neck; sand picks up in a cloud and flies through the air.

For a moment I am blinded.

Your figure obscured and lost in the cloud. When it finally settles, I see you are walking away from me. I try to walk, but cant move my feet; the sand has buried me up to my knees.

I struggle and pull.

I frantically claw at the dirt that falls back into place like powder.

I look up….. straining to see you.

My throat begins to knot up; tears well up in my eyes; from the corners of my eyes mud flows like molten lava down my face. My tears burn; they dig crevasses into my cheeks.

The wind picks up and more sand envelopes me.

The Sun, so bright and hot pierces my skin; He digs at me body and spoons out my life.

I am now buried up to my chest. The pressure is so heavy; my heart beats fast, then faster; I have given up trying to breathe and just allow my body to do as it will.

I can still see a shadowy figure moving ahead of me. I try to call out to it but I only cough up dust; my throat is so dry; my mouth is as hot as the desert sands.

I look around one more time, looking for any sight of life, anything to memorize and take with me. I look for some comforting thing in my final minutes to live. I look around and all I see is desert, rolling hills of red sand and nothingness.

This place looks so dead and depressing; then I notice the heat waves. The heat waves dance in all merriment. They dance with such grace and finesse; The cacti that I finally spot, flourish and find a way to thrive in such a horrid terrain.

I see a salamander scamper directly in front of my eyes, he looks at me and blinks, knowingly.
He tells me he understands.
Understands what?, I don’t know.

I close my eyes and try again to cry, but the tears, they are gone; stolen by His breath.

I close my eyes and speak, in my head.
I ask you why you left me here to die. Why did you leave me.

“I saw you, I was coming to you, why did you leave me?”

And you answer, “My dear, dear child, my woman, my mother, my Priestess, how could you think I left you? Can you not see me, I am here”

I open my eyes to see the person behind the voice I hear, but no one is there.
“Where!!, where are you?!” my hoarse and sandy voice spoke out.

“OPEN YOUR EYES!!! OPEN YOUR HEART!!! Look at me!!! Can you truly not see me? Can you truly not feel me? Do you not know me? And I dare to call you my Priestess!! I have been here the whole time. I did not leave you, YOU came to ME!! I graciously welcomed you into my home and you disrespect me this way?!”

I can no longer open my eyes and see the desert around me.

I see nothing…nothing but darkness.

But… now… now I feel a cool moisture begin to wrap around my scorched body;

I feel small tinges of life sprout from my feet and seek out the source of this moisture.

AH, I have found it; A wonderfully cool stream underground.

I can see the roots of those cacti from earlier, and burrows from small animals dug out through the walls of the cavern.

“Oh my Lady, forgive me. I beg of your forgiveness.”

“No forgiveness is needed to be asked for, my Priestess. I never left your side. You asked me to wait for you, and I did. You asked me to speak with you, and I am. You must open your heart and your mind AS WELL AS your eyes my child. I am not only that which resides on the surface, nor am I only that which you can see. To find the true nature of Me and your Lord, you must look beyond….this is true for your fellow man as well. Stay here child, stay here and rest. Let yourself go and allow me to heal your mind. You are within me and I am your Lady. In my womb I create, but here I also heal. Stay here. Feed off of my stream. Heal your heart and mind. Follow the example of the cacti and the tree. Grow steady and strong like the tree, but know your strengths and the distances you must go to reach your dreams such as the cacti. Now sleep, sleep my Priestess and awaken with a new sight, live your life, carry out my bidding and always return to my well and drink from my stream when you need.”

Believing in Belief

What do you believe in? How do you know it is a belief and not fact? Is there really a difference between the two?

I’m not really here to debate all that, just wanted to get the brain juices flowing….for me, to be honest. Belief is a very strong way of thinking. Many wars have erupted simply because of beliefs, either the difference in or the agreement of, between two separate sides. Belief really is an everyday conscious goings on. In today’s world, it is not necessary to drag your ass out of bed to survive if you don’t want to….just look at our social services programs….but again, that is another blogger’s realm. Going back to that example of getting your ass out of bed…..if you don’t believe you have any reason to crawl out of bed, then you wont; although back in the day there were MANY reasons to get up beginning with harvesting your crops so your family would survive. The belief that your family would suffer if you did not was motivation enough to move yourself.

For me, belief is a very SACRED thing.

To be honest, I am one of those who struggles with the “pulling my ass out of bed”. I sometimes find it hard to find the belief that there is anything worth getting up and taking care of….short of taking care of my children. They are, more than most of the time, the only reason for me to do so. Some can also relate this simply to psychiatric “issues” as well….call it what you will….

this still does not cover Belief as Sacred to me. Let me get to that point before I run in any more circles here…..

Having a belief is like having a set of core moral/ethics or reasons for doing something; the definition of belief is to accept something as true or real. For me, I accept my religious beliefs and the morals/ethics I find inherent in them as true and real. Ask any of my friends, or anyone who truly knows me and they will tell you that my religious/spiritual practices are my life and make up a large portion of who I am. This is why I feel that Beliefs are Sacred. I mean, you could argue that…
“Of Course They’re Sacred!!!! It is something you believe to be true, so why wouldn’t it be sacred?!!”
Very easily….there are some out there who take on certain beliefs to “fit in” or to keep from “rocking the boat”. There are those who hold beliefs because others have them; because they have been coerced into believing they, too, hold those beliefs as their own; or by way of many other instances. These people have not searched for and found the reasons for these beliefs in their heart and souls. Yes, they have accepted them as true and no harm in that, but they have not done it out of the journeying to find this truth within themselves. They have taken on the beliefs, or agreements, as a cop-out, and easy way out of doing any true self soul work, and also found a scapegoat for themselves, within themselves for acting on something that they do not inherently believe deep within.
This is why I say Beliefs are Sacred. To me, beliefs are not some fly by the night, wisps of smoke type of thing. Beliefs are who you are, and what you are. If you carry beliefs that are not truly yours from your soul, then who the hell are you …..really?

….TRUE Beliefs are so very individual and so very unique that they can never be some one else’s.

….TRUE Beliefs are those that you hold dear to you, that nobody for no reason could ever change within your world.

….TRUE Beliefs are Sacred because they are who and what you truly are, at the core of You.


Awakening. What is an Awakening? Is it hard to do? Is it painful? Is it natural?

I would say yes and no to all of the above questions. (from here on out, please note that ALL within this entry is MY OPINION or MY INTERPRETATION this way I don’t have to continually say “my definition” or “my understanding”) My definition of an Awakening is when you have a sudden moment of realization. That immediate A-HA moment when all in the world makes sense; when you understand the workings of the Universe on a more intimate level and internally feel the connection between Us all. It’s that moment when you have reached a different level of consciousness, a level and place where you cannot turn back from. To me, that is an awakening.

Now, I also believe you can have many awakenings throughout your lifetime. A Spiritual Awakening is not quite the same as a Spiritual Enlightenment. An Enlightenment is when one has reached that level of “all knowing” and need not reach any further levels of Awakenings. An Enlightened One would be Buddah-esque in nature; having reached the highest level of enlightenment they can achieve. ALTHOUGH, I do not believe everyone has the same level of enlightenment, nor the same level of Awakenings. I believe that is all based on the energetic capacity that their spiritual self, their Higher Self has been matured too, or can handle. That will be for another discussion. Back to Awakenings….

For any one individual to reach their personal level of enlightenment, they must go through any number of Awakenings. These awakenings can be brought on by just about any action or experience that jolts their internal balance. Some of these Awakenings are like a slap in the face causing such a traumatic rush that they really don’t understand what happened. This could happen by near death experiences, seeing someone else have a near death experience, being a victim of some violent crime (pick one and insert here); but they don’t necessarily need to be harsh and negative. Watching the birth of a child, of any living creature can indeed cause such a reaction in the Self, experiencing a great amount of joy, or as simple as accomplishing some feat you never thought possible THEN being recognized for it. But this way of Awakening, unfortunately, does not always last.

When you are “thrown/pushed” into an awakening, your results are highly unlikely to last because you have not been trained (you as in your Higher Self) in how to maintain this level of awareness. I would like to compare it to Body Building or just plain ol’ weight training. I always heard that the brain/mind is just like any other “muscle” in your body. The more you work out, the stronger it gets; but leave it idle and it will become flabby. Just like a body builder must continue to work out daily to maintain their physique, so does a Spirit Builder need to work out daily to maintain their level of awareness. NOW, I’m not saying that once you reach a certain level and stop using it then it will disappear; no. Again, to the body builders. Even if they do not work out, they will maintain their level of muscle mass, only it will become weaker, softer, less cut and distinct. Their muscles don’t just vanish, but they can become less useful unless they keep them maintained. The conscious and mind is the same when you are talking about Awakenings. If you want to remain in the level of awareness you reached, or better yet, wish to progress; then workouts are a must. Visualizations, meditations, readings, writing, physical activities that will produce the results you are looking for are the kind of workouts that a Spirit Builder will need to be in practice of.

All in all, awakenings can be very difficult to achieve, or they can be dropped in your lap. They can be very painful mentally, emotionally and spiritually; but they can also be very energizing and peaceful. Organic in nature, yes awakenings are completely natural…..they may be induced by outside inhibitors, but even those in some way or another are natural.

If you wish to reach different levels of awakenings, or experience one period, I suggest you do some soul searching. I suggest you work hard at learning to navigate your inner You with what I listed earlier; meditations, visualizations, readings, writing, physical activities (such as yoga, tai-chi etc.). Whether you ever truly reach one or not, you will be working to raise your personal energetic level above the mundane one that holds you captive to this world; you will be developing a newer and better you; and you will definitely be changing your consciousness to be much more open to newer higher energies.

Feel it. Acknowledge it. Accept it.

As of late I have read so much hoop-lah and lah-di-dah about “be happy”, “let your inner light shine through”; “if you want to be happy change something, if you aren’t and don’t want to be continue what you are doing”.

Well this is a whole lot of bullshit. Yes, BULL SHIT!! I’m sorry, but sometimes there is a need to let things run their course.

If you are unhappy or depressed (feeling blue), then dammit, let it run its course. Don’t fight it like a Matador in a bull fight, you will lose; you will tire and it will overpower you.

NOW!!!!!….hear me on this, not ALL situations are the same. Don’t get me wrong. There are those of us out there who fight depression and unhappiness regularly and it has become a chronic thing for us….im not FULLY talking to you. But even if you are one who falls into this category, hear me out, please.

Depression is not a disease in the manner of viral or bacterial. Depression is a Dis-Ease within the body, between the body and the soul/spirit. (yes yes, there are all those wonderful medical tags and things that go with it. Neuro receptor this, and chemical imbalance that…..but I’m not talking from a medical view point) Depression, unhappiness, or “feeling blue” is not always a pleasant feeling, but neither is it a bad one. What it really can be seen as is a sign, a signal, the way your body communicates with you that there is something wrong, that Spirit is imbalanced and needs some attention. It is only a feeling, a dis-ease within you, a discomfort that you must figure out how to handle without letting it handle you. I’m not talking out of my ass here guys, I’m speaking from experience….I’m speaking from a state of UTTER Dis-EASE at this very moment.

Yes, I do suffer from depression. It affects me quite often and just as differently to you as yours may be to me. My depression/low feelings come in seasons; instigated by situations; by not taking care of me; allowing myself to become too stressed and the like; it is even brought on by some of my past memories and sufferings that I still have not been able to come to terms with. They come and go; and when they are here, boy do they hit me hard. But sitting here trying to fight the feelings is almost nauseating. I would prefer to be “in the moment”. I know I don’t WANT to feel this pain and discomfort, but in order for it to pass I must ride it out. To fight it, to question why?, what?, when?, will do NOTHING to help me get through it. All the questioning and fighting does is make it last longer, prolongs the “episode”.

Honestly, I feel the best way to deal with or handle such episodes is not to question how to stop it, or why am I feeling it….but to question what am I feeling. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Note how you feel, literally. Note what thoughts are present when each of these feelings show up. The best ways to combat Depression/Unhappiness/Feeling Blue/Feeling Down is to understand what triggers it and how you and your body reacts. There is no reason in trying to fight it off with some version of “band-aid in a pill”**. If you need to sleep, then sleep. If you need to cry, then cry. Just understand when you have reached the level of too much, or reached the unhealthy level so that you can figure out what path you want to take to correct this imbalance, whether that be mainstream methods or the more natural, holistic, organic methods.

YES…there is an imbalance when you feel this way; whether it be chemical imbalance in your brain or one in the body period; or whether it is simply an imbalance within your heart and soul. There is an imbalance and the balance needs to be brought back into equilibrium. Find your way of “handling” it or managing the discomfort, but PLEASE DO NOT ignore the episode or act as if there is nothing wrong. This is the worst thing to do. Feel it. Note it. Accept it. Manage it. By ignoring it or trying to suppress the fact that you KNOW you are feeling down is unhealthy. All you are doing is caging a wild animal. One day, one day it will break your barriers, your walls, your cages and it will be ultimately bigger than it would have been had you felt it, noted it, accepted it and managed it when each episode came around.

** I do not advocate that you stop taking or not look into taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pill….they ARE of GREAT use to those who truly need them, and yes…I’ve been on them in my past

Openly Expressive, or Not

I am not a very openly expressive person, but I can be VERY TALKATIVE.

Anyone who truly knows me and has spent any time with me knows I just love to talk.  I can and have talked for hours with friends.  Beginning a good conversation before dinner; keeping it going through dinner; talking through the Sun setting then watching it rise the next morning.  Don’t be too bothered, they did get some talking in as well.

BUT, the catch to this is, I’m not totally openly expressive.   Lemme explain.

I have a very rough, harsh and blunt way of communicating.  I used to just say what was on my mind, or how I feel with no real concern to how it may affect others.  Not to say I was completely oblivious to this, because, well, just telling about it here is witness to my ability to see this possible flaw.

Because of this trait of mine, I’d been told by numerous people that I was hurtful, careless, and thoughtless.

Now, actually, I don’t feel that way.  I’m not responsible for the way you feel.  I’m not responsible for the way you take what I say.  I say it.  But it is you, You who interprets and internalizes it.  It is not my responsibility to constantly ask if you understand, if we are ok, if I hurt you.  It just is not my job…..

But because I know I can be hurtful, harmful and cold in the way I speak, I always find myself being guarded.

It IS NOT my job to make sure you understand or that I didn’t hurt you….yet I find myself constantly checking.  Apologise are a constant from my mouth.  Always worried that I have offended or am being heard correctly, or that I’m not being “too much”; “over the top”; “too obnoxious”.  Always vigilant in masking my TRUE EXPRESSIONS.  I’m so sick of it.

That is who I am.  I am obnoxious.  I am talkative.  I can be crude.  I am blunt and raw-fully honest.

This is not my first attempt at a blog.  Nope, I’ve actually had this blog up for over a year or so.  I had one before this one.  I  went in and deleted all the previous posts from my most recent incarnation of this blog.  Why, because I needed to start fresh for me.

I’ve always been afraid to write.  Scared of what to say.  Scared of not having something TO say.  Scared to offend or put people off.  Scared of pissing someone off.  Its time I stop being afraid.

Those who KNOW me have always said that all these traits I’ve referred to here as a flaw, are some of the most lovable and admirable traits I have.  They always remind me that with all of these “flaws” comes another side.  My bluntness = transparency.  My honesty = trustworthiness.  My candidness and forthrightness = no holds barred attitude.


SO many great things have happened for me in the past year, so many things I wished I would have shared.  But it didn’t.  “Who would want to hear about that?” “Why would anyone even want to know?”……

I don’t really care anymore.  I will express me, the best way I know how, and in the way I do best.  Curse words may come out.  Negative views may be expressed. (heaven forbid anyone have a different view besides the constant rainbow and glitter that is insisted at all times)  I may even get a bit fluffy bunny, or health and organic concerned.

Im like a superball, my ideas and conversations go everywhere, but I will not guard myself and what I have to say anymore.  I will not suppress what I truly mean to say what I feel would be best accepted.